Don't Yuk Someone's Yum

In a sex-positive environment, we want everyone to feel comfortable talking about the things that turn them on, as well as the things that don't. It's not necessary to put down someone else' preferences in order to communicate yours.

Claiming to only be talking about how you feel is not sufficient to get you off the hook for a Community Guidelines Violation.

Because this topic is somewhat fuzzy, I wanted to provide greater details regarding everyone's responsibility in communication. These concepts presented below will be obvious to some, but not to everyone.

These are the rules of the site. Everyone is responsible for following them!

A Quick Example to Ponder

You and some friends, and friends of friends, are sitting in a bar, having a drink and showing photos of of your home layout and furniture. Someone looks at your photo and say, "Jeez. That looks disgusting ... to me. I cannot see how anyone would choose that couch and rug combination.I could never do that."

Now, is that rude? They were only talking about themselves and the choices they would make.

Hopefully, when we are talking about the things that are near and dear to you, you can see that even when people are only talking about their own feelings and perceptions that certain word choices can be invalidating and hurtful. Right?

The Importance of Language in Expressing Personal Preferences

When it comes to discussing personal preferences, especially in sensitive areas like sexuality, the language we use matters immensely. Expressing a personal preference is about setting boundaries for oneself. For instance, saying, "I'm not into BDSM" is a statement that outlines your comfort zone. It neither praises nor condemns; it simply states what is true for you.

The Subtle Yet Significant Impact of Judgmental Language

However, the line between expressing a personal preference and kink shaming can be crossed when the language used carries judgmental undertones. Words like "disgusting," "weird," or "wrong" are not neutral; they carry a weight of judgment that can stigmatize or shame others. Even if you claim to be speaking only for yourself, the impact of such language can be harmful to others who do not share your preferences.

The Responsibility of Impact Over Intent

While you may not intend to shame or judge someone else, the words you use may be generally understood by many people to have a shameful or judgemental connotation. Therefore, the responsibility lies with the speaker to be mindful of their language, especially in conversations that involve personal or sensitive topics.

Personal Preferences vs Ethics and Morality

An obvious exception to this rule is CONSENT and sexual autonomy. Not everything sexual is a matter of relative taste. You are free to express disgust, and outrage (and to report) anything that looks or sounds like a violantion of someone's consent or sexual autonomy.

How to Express Preferences Without Shaming

If you find that a particular kink or practice is not to your taste, there are ways to express this without passing judgment on others. Here are some respectful ways to express your boundaries without yucking someone else's yum.

• I'm not interested in that.
• That's not my thing.
• That's not how I roll.
• That's not for me.
• To each their own.
• I have different preferences.
• That brings me no joy.
• I don't get turned on by that.
• That doesn't turn me on.
• I wish that worked for me, but it doesn't.
• Hard pass for me.
• Definitely not for me.

Conclusion

The distinction between expressing personal preferences and kink shaming may seem subtle, but it's significant. The key lies in the language used and the impact it has. By being mindful of our words, we can create a more inclusive and respectful environment for all, regardless of our personal preferences.

Reporting

As with all problematic behaviors, whether they are directed at you or at someone else, we encourage you to GENTLY redirect people to the Community Guidelines. If they apologize, then everything is good. If they do not take the hint, then please do not play the enforcer. Instead, use the REPORTING FEATURE.

All Posts, Comments, Photos, Videos, Events, etc. have a 3-dot menu. If you click on it, you will see that REPORTING is one of the options. In the messaging app, you can mouseover any comment, image, video and see a menu with a FLAG option. Click on that flag to create a report.

Admin regularly reviews reports. We are very invested in making this a pleasant environment for everyone. We will read and take action on your reports.