Different Types Of Swingers we all have our own ideas as to what makes sex great! Sex is as unique as the person having it. What makes YOU tick is exclusive and reserved only for you. Yes, we may enjoy something similar to others or have shared fantasies and desires, however, the emotions, the sensations and the particular way that your body responds to sex is deeply personal. We may have wants and desires that we share, but only we know our true comfort levels.

There is no right or wrong way to swing. Over the years, I have met so many different couples who are all on their own path; all harbouring individual desires and fantasies. In this post, I hope to shed some light on the different types of swingers, and why one man’s orgy is another man’s obstacle! So, if are you sitting comfortably, let me begin…

There is no right or wrong way to swing. Over the years, I have met so many different couples who are all on their own path; all harbouring individual desires and fantasies. In this post, I hope to shed some light on the different types of swingers, and why one man’s orgy is another man’s obstacle! So, if are you sitting comfortably, let me begin…

We may have wants and desires that we share, but only we know our true comfort levels.

VANILLA SWINGERS

Vanilla gets a bad rap. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla. It’s not my thing, but there are many couples out there who enjoy straight forward A to B sex with other couples, sometimes in different rooms. The only thing is that perhaps they aren’t into BDSM or extreme kinks. You shouldn’t discredit swingers for being vanilla, but accept they simply don’t get down with whips and chains!

SOFT SWAP SWINGERS

People who engage in soft swap play enjoy pretty much everything with others, but reserve penetrative sex, or intimate sexual acts, for when they are with their partners. Foreplay for soft swap swingers can include oral, masturbation, kissing, flirting, cyber/webcam sex and playing with sex toys. There’s nothing wrong with a soft swap, and sometimes you may only want to engage in soft swap play with a particular couple or person that you meet. With soft swap swinger couples engaging in penetrative sex. or other harder limits are strictly only between themselves.

FULL SWAP SWINGERS

As you can probably imagine, the full swap is well, the whole shebang! Oral, vaginal, harder limits and sometimes anal sex are common when engaging in full swap sex. Remember, you can be a vanilla couple, who are full swap…or a soft swap single who is non-vanilla… full swap generally means that penetrative sex gets a thumbs up, how you go about having that sex is up to you! Full swap sex can be very intense, especially if it is part of your first swinging experience.

SEPARATE PLAY

Some swingers are very happy to play with other swingers in different rooms, beds or even houses. These couples engage in whats known as separate play. And are often in open relationships. There have been times I have met with BDSM couples where the guy has restrained me in one room, and his wife in another! Which although was not a separate play in the conventional sense, it was separate room play.  Would I be happy for my man to meet with a single guy to have sex without me? Absolutely! As I mentioned earlier, there’s no right or wrong way to swing!

SAME ROOM SEX

Same room sex, as the name suggests entails having sex while all in the same room. This can be a threesome, a foursome, an orgy, or a non-penetrative hot wax play! Whatever it is, it’s all done together! In most club situations, same room sex is the most commonly practised type of swinging.

VOYEURISM/ EXHIBITIONIST

When I attended my first swingers party, I didn’t realise just how popular these two kinks were! I soon discovered that the couples who weren’t playing with other couples were actually having a great time by themselves, as watching, or being watched was their kink! At first, I didn’t get it, but then I realised; this form of fetish was what they were there for. If you’re at a swingers party, then chances are you will have to accept that other people will watch you have sex. If this is something you are not comfortable with then move it to a private playroom. Whereas, on the other hand, there are couples that love being watched and attend solely for this!

SINGLE SWINGERS

It’s not just couples who enjoy swinging! Single people, especially single women, are very sought after in the lifestyle. Known as unicorns, (rare) single women are often approached by couples where the woman identifies as bisexual. You can attend swingers parties as a single woman, or meet couples in private. You will have your own ideas as to what you are comfortable with and whether you are wanting soft or full swap sex.

There’s no right or wrong way to swing!

Single men also can enjoy swinging, but it is harder for them to visit clubs and swinger events. Solo men are often sought out by cuckold couples, which is a form of BDSM. For single vanilla guys there aren’t too many options, so swinging as a single man may require you to be more specialised in your play!

BISEXUAL SWINGERS

It’s a common presumption that women who swing are Bi, and their male partners are straight. I can now confirm that this isn’t always the case, and over the years, I have seen an increase in the number of Bisexual couples enjoying the lifestyle. Hopefully, with a changing shift in attitudes, (this is already evident in London) more men who harbour bisexual desires and identify as bisexual, will feel more confident to be open about their sexuality with other swingers.

Being bisexual isn’t a requirement, and you should never presume someone is. This applies to men and women, there have been occasions that men have wanted to have a bi experience with straight boyfriends I’ve had, only they have waited until we are already having sex and then made a move towards his cock… this is not how it’s done! Always discuss these things before!

POLYAMOROUS

Polyamory isn’t a new thing, but we treat it like it is. Over recent years I’ve met many people in the lifestyle who describe themselves as ‘Poly’ in their swinger dating profiles. And, people who aren’t necessarily swingers are also using the term to describe their relationship. Polyamorous people can have more than one romantic relationship at a time, these can be sexual as well as romantic.

Love and physical sex are two things that I like to keep separate. I am only emotionally attached to one person; the one I’m in an emotionally exclusive relationship with at the time.  I know some may disagree with me, but I would find it hard for my man to ‘date’ another woman. I have tried Polyamory and decided it wasn’t for me, but I understand that for many people it’s amazing.  In my world all those intimacies that are separate from swinging, they are reserved only for one another, but we are all different. There are educators who blog about Polyamory, check them out here.

BDSM

BDSM isn’t always included in swinging, but I do have an awful lot of Sub/ Dom followers, and I have previously been in an intense BDSM style relationship, while also enjoying the lifestyle. Some couples are hardcore followers of the lifestyle and live 24/7 in their respective roles. Others only implement the dynamics in the bedroom.

Thanks to Fifty Shades Of Grey, we are now seeing bondage and discipline on the high street, and more people are open to discussing fetish with their partners. It has definitely caused a spark in the imagination of many couples; you only have to walk into a sex shop in central London to see how much 50 Shades merchandise there is! If there wasn’t the demand, the shops wouldn’t stock it!

Some clubs I visit have very specialised BDSM equipment, and you can incorporate this into your swinging play. Usually like-minded couples all head to the designated dungeon, so chances are if they are in there, they are into it too! There are many different dynamics that couples have, and again, some reserve certain acts for their partner, (this is mainly to do with trust) if you want to play with sub or dom couples, then head to BDSM.com where you can chat with other couples who pursue this kind of kink!

SWITCH

A switch is someone happy to play either role in the bedroom. I identify as a switch, and I’ve never been happier! There are times that I will gladly surrender myself to a dominant man, woman, or couple and be entirely at their mercy. There are also times where I dominate whoever I’m playing with. I’ve met sissy boys and played with couples where I’ve joined in the domming of the girl.  

HARD/ SOFT LIMITS

You may have heard the hard/soft terminology before, and hard/soft limits do feature heavily in swinger play. So, what are hard and soft limits? To be honest, that question is all down to individual taste. Some people only participate in ‘hard limits’ (anal, bondage, wax, watersports) with their partner, while others do everything, full swap, different room!

There is no right or wrong way to approach limits, and that’s ok. What’s normal for one is a no go area for another. This is why honest prior discussion is always best. A woman may be bi-curious and have ‘soft limits’ with a woman, but be happy for full swap sex with a guy, and vice versa!

There are many different terminologies, types, identities, and roles that are associated with swinging and the lifestyle. I haven’t even started talking about gender identity and sexual identity within swinging! To have fantastically fulfilling sex, always be honest about your limits, kinks and desires.

If full-on kissing with tongues is a ‘hard limit’ for you, say so! Don’t just go along with it, out of fear of upsetting the balance. State your desires always, and remember confidence is sexy! All sex can be great sex, regardless of your different swinger style. Never be afraid to say what you want or what you don’t want!

OPEN RELATIONSHIPS

People who have open relationships can also be swingers, polyamorous, or monogamish. Having an open relationship means having more than one romantic or sexual partner at a time. It’s an arrangement that both parties agree is non-exclusive or non-monogamous. Both partners may engage in romantic or sexual activities outside the relationship.

Rosie Kay