Can I enjoy swinging if I am naturally shy?

Can I let you into a secret? Lean close, and I’ll whisper it in your ear.

I’m naturally a shy introvert!

Really?! I can hear you asking really?! This girl with all the savvy swinger know-how and the smart mouth is shy? Yep! I’m afraid so!

But have I let this shyness hold me back from swinging? No! Have I learnt to overcome my shyness and have a great time when swapping partners? yes!

Am I going to teach you all I know? Of course, I am!

Here are a few top tips to remember for shy swingers:

When you walk over to the bar, don’t scuttle across, avoiding eye contact, take a deep breath, smile and glide over. Your sexy and you know it!

Don’t be scared of swinger cliques, let them do their thing.

No one expects anything from you, other than you are your sexy self!

Chatting via webcam is a great way to practice flirting while holding great conversations.

Consider offering a drink to a couple or ask them what they are drinking? This is always a great ice breaker.

Here are all the answers you need in 10 Top Tips For Shy Swingers.

Swinging Can Be Enjoyable For Shy People

Years ago, when I first started on my swinger journey, I was convinced that attending a party would be a tortuous small talk making affair followed by nervously removing my clothes while keeping my stomach sucked in. I was not looking forward to the social aspect of attending a club. I knew I wanted to swing, but the thought of being in that kind of sociable environment was causing me to worry! So, what did I do?

Well, the first thing I did was arrange to meet a couple in private. This took away the initial swinging fear and allowed me to acclimatize to chatting freely about sex. My first swinging experience gives all the details! After talking with them online, we met for an initial swinger date, before meeting them again in a private apartment. These prior conversations were great for me to practice flirting with another couple, and get comfortable with exploring sexy ideas.

One I confided in Katya that I was a little shy, she too opened up about her reservations.

Over the years, I have found that after each party, my shyness and concerns about being in social situations have slowly started to fade away. Once I realised there was no pressure to perform or ‘be’ a certain way, it was easier for me to relax, and the conversation flowed naturally. Just because all eyes are on you, it doesn’t mean you have to get down and dirty with all the couples in the room, or chat at great length with all the people present. Through swinging, I have broadened my horizons, and I am now excellent at conversing with men, women and couples, regardless of their age, sexuality or kinks.

10 Tantalizing Tips For Shy Swingers

Don’t be scared of swinger cliques. Cliques exist in all social group situations, (whether that’s gym newbies, yoga class newbies or book club newbies) and can be very off-putting for those who are less experienced. It’s a horrible feeling when you are on the outside looking in. The best advice I can give is to take it steady slowly. Don’t feel any pressure to join in. Chances are these swinger friends have been meeting at the same club for months. Let them go and do their thing; there will always be plenty of friendly and welcoming people for you to chat with. After all, I’d much rather play with a couple who do want to get to know me, rather than having to join something I wasn’t originally involved in.

If attending a new party, or club, then it’s common for the host or host couple to give you a guided tour. These people are the most friendly, relaxed and easy going of all swingers. Its their job to ensure you feel relaxed and have a great time. Chances are they have seen and done it all, so they understand exactly how you are feeling; everyone is a newbie at some point! If you are feeling shy about asking questions, don’t be. A great host will answer as many questions as they can! Have a good look at the facilities on offer; it should give you plenty to discuss!

One of my biggest fears was other people expecting me to be a certain way. Would they expect me to be overly friendly and bubbly; the life and soul of the party? What if I felt uncomfortable? Was I going to be expected to act in a certain way that I was unfamiliar with? I soon realised that the only pressure I was under was the pressure I was applying to myself. No one expects anything from you, and if they do, then I wouldn’t recommend playing with them!

Chatting online is a great way to build up a rapport with other swingers and become used to holding a conversation with a couple. Openly flirting with another couple, while you are with your partner is something that you have to ease into. It’s a strange feeling at first, but one that you become used to! If you are naturally a little shy, then it can be easy to let the more confident individuals talk for you in a sociable setting. Chatting via webcam is a great way to practice flirting while holding great conversations.

We all have certain rituals that we partake in to boost our self-esteem and confidence. Take your time to get ready before a swingers party or date. Maybe get your hair done at the salon, or treat yourself to a facial or manicure. I had a boyfriend who used to use a sunbed before a party! Whatever works for you to leave you feeling that bit extra sexy!

 For me, one of the best methods to overcome shyness is to dress completely differently and take on the persona of the character who would wear that outfit. Sounds strange? Let me explain. In my normal vanilla life, I’m a quiet, reserved, nerdy type of girl. I enjoy fantasy crime fiction, baking and dress conservatively in denim shorts, t-shirts and converse. This version of me is shy, and it’s a version I won’t let many people see. However, when I attend a party, I go all out and wear an outfit that normal reserved me would never wear. I spend a good hour applying my makeup and sometimes use hair extensions to add a bit of drama to my look! You know how Clark Kent is this quiet, shy guy in glasses and then boom! Becomes sexy superman? Well, its kinda like that! Give it a try, but wear your knickers on the inside!

If your naturally shy and inclined to sit with your arms and legs crossed with your back stuck to the wall, (like I do in staff meetings) then take time to consider what posture you take at a swingers party. Sitting in a relaxed, open posture, says I’m confident, I’m in control, and I’m approachable. When you walk over to the bar, don’t scuttle across, avoiding eye contact, take a deep breath, smile and glide over. Your sexy and you know it! You may be feeling shy on the inside, but you don’t have to appear it on the outside.

We all know that alcohol provides a little social lubrication, and I enjoy a glass of bubbly when at a party as much as the next person. However, don’t overdo it. One or two glasses at the beginning of the night are fine for me. Consider offering a drink to a couple, or ask them what they are drinking? This is always a great ice breaker.

Some topics will always be easier to discuss than others at swinger parties. Even if you are shy, I guarantee you will be able to talk about a few of these, without the conversation getting too heavy; how you found the party and how did they find it? Through a recommendation, or are they part of an online site? Their outfits- compliments always go down well. Where did you get that dress? I saw one similar at X boutique, have you been? Would you guys like a drink? We have found this amazing pink champagne, and I keep recommending it to all my friends! Keep the conversation light and informal, become familiar with chatting, flirting and generally being sociable before you take it any further.

Of course, there are a few topics of conversation that are best avoided, especially if you are feeling shy. Any information that is too personal such as private details about your careers, kids, fantasies and intimate sex acts you enjoy together as a couple, I’d steer clear of. If you are asked about these, id politely brush them aside. ‘Oh you don’t want to hear about that, my job is boring’ or ‘ Yeah ‘there are a few acts we enjoy, but we like to keep those private’.  Any genuinely considerate swingers will respect your comfort levels and keep the conversation free of any topics you feel uncomfortable discussing.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this post as much as I have enjoyed writing it. There have been times in my life I have been painfully shy, and it surprises me that I enjoy swinging and the social aspect of it as much as I do. When I first attended swingers events as a single person, I knew I’d have to overcome my shyness if I wanted to approach couples. I had to learn how to chat freely with both the man and woman and pay attention to both equally- something that is far easier said than done! But, learnt and gradually, I found myself in the position of being able to hold great conversations with a range of people.

Rosie Kay