RECONNECTING AFTER SWINGING

Aftercare is a term we usually associate with BDSM relationships, where the submissive partner is cared for by the dominant partner, as they transition from their roles as submissive and dominant back to Jane and Pete from Croydon. Aftercare, or reconnecting, is crucial and should never be ignored. I believe so strongly about the importance of reconnecting after swinging, that I am going to dedicate a whole post to this intimate ritual act. So as always, slip into something comfortable, and thiskindagirl do all the talking.

The transition from swinger life back to your private life should be one filled with love, open communication and intimacy.

WHY IS RECONNECTING AFTER SWINGING SO IMPORTANT?

When we swing, in whatever capacity that is, we are opening up our relationship and inviting others in to share in some of our most intimate acts. Whether you enjoy full swap swinging in different rooms, or enjoy watching your wife having sex with other men; afterwards, we all require reassurance and seek to reconnect with our loved one. The transition from swinger life back to your private life should be one filled with love, open communication and intimacy.

Swinging parties can be exhausting. Not only are you in a highly charged sexual atmosphere, where everyone wants to look their most desirable but also you want to build up a good rapport with other swingers. You want to have great conversations with the right people, ensure your partner is having a fantastic time, be safety conscious and probably have lots of sex. It’s not surprising that at the end of the night if you are anything like me, you will be feeling exhausted!

Swinging can be an overload on the senses and emotions, but if you take steps to unwind and reconnect, you will go from supercharged to super satisfied and sexy with ease!

FEELINGS AFTER SWINGING

I like to wait until I have left the party or meeting to reconnect. Usually, I’ll get dressed and make myself look presentable while my partner grabs his coat (men are so low maintenance) before giving our hosts a brief kiss on the cheek to say goodnight.

If you have driven to the party, you could start to reconnect in the car, but if the man is driving, I prefer to let him focus on the road. We all know that men can only do one thing at a time! (sorry guys, but it is kind of true!) If we have taken a cab home, then simply snuggling into his chest quietly while he wraps his arms around me feels amazing, especially if you don’t want to start your discussion for fear of being overheard. However, I’m sure that London cabbies have heard all manner of things over the years!

Communicating soon after the swinging has finished is always best, and I like to run a big deep bath, with plenty of bubbles and lay there, in his arms while we open up to one another about the night. Being in a position where you are both looking forward is useful when discussing intimate topics as its a non-confrontational position. Alternatively, you could both sit in the garden with a glass of wine or snuggle up in bed. Whatever location you choose, make sure it is relaxed and informal. No one wants to feel like they are being grilled.

Swinging can be an overload on the senses and the emotions

HOW TO TALK ABOUT SWINGING

It’s imperative to remember that swinging comes from a place of love and trust. Although you may experience fleeting pangs of jealousy (I do even now) it’s vital to remember that between you, you have something far more intimate than anyone could ever imagine. Please have a read of my post on swinging and jealousy for my top tips on keeping the green-eyed monster at bay. Discussing what you found a turn-off and a turn-on is necessary in order to understand how to create an even more memorable experience for next time.

There have been times I have been surprised I have enjoyed particular acts as much as I have, especially if I have had prior reservations about them. I never realised how my feelings of compersion would grow when I saw my partner enjoying particular acts more than others. If there were things you didn’t enjoy or perhaps are not interested in doing again, now is the time to say.

However, if you’re uncomfortable at any point during the swinging then speak up then, don’t bottle it all up until after. Use the reconnecting time to explore why you felt uncomfortable. Sometimes we feel passionate about a particular sex act or scenario we want to act out, but in reality, it’s either not practical at a sex party or doesn’t get us going.

When we are reconnecting, we can evaluate what worked and what didn’t work, what we enjoyed and which couples we would like to play with again. Sometimes I have played with couples and singles who I would never usually date or meet in my regular vanilla life and discussing this with my partner, and listening to who he found hot is a turn on in itself! When you attend international parties, you get to meet and mingle with so many different people.

HOW TO PHYSICALLY RECONNECT AFTER SWINGING

As well as emotional aftercare and tending to one another’s mental well being, physical aftercare and reconnection are equally as crucial for creating strong bonds and building up a connection with your partner. For me, physical aftercare is less about having sex and more about participating in other intimate acts that are equally as intimate as sex, or sometimes even more so.

Massaging one another with essential oils (don’t worry- it’s less about the technique and more about the physical feeling) is a way of relaxing and enjoying being intimate with one another while you discuss your evening. This position is excellent as it allows you to communicate freely without the pressure of facing one another.

RECONNECTING IF YOU ARE A SINGLE PERSON

I have been to parties as a single swinger and found taking time out to enjoy my own space is equally as important as when I’m in a relationship and reconnecting with a partner. I go through the same rituals of having a bath and unwinding mentally, as I process the emotions and physical exploits of the night. I reflect on what I have enjoyed, and perhaps what I haven’t enjoyed as much as I thought I would.

If I have been in communication with another couple before the event, then I send a simple text to say ‘thanks for a great night‘. I tend not to encourage or engage in conversation with other swingers directly after a party as unwinding and disconnecting from swinger life is essential. A polite text to say goodnight and thanks for a great time is perfect.

MAKE RECONNECTING PART OF YOUR ROUTINE.

If I have been to a swingers event on a Saturday night, I like to spend the whole of the next day relaxing with my partner and reminiscing about the tremendous sexy fun we have had. Having certain routines and rituals that you both enjoy while you recover from the previous night’s proceedings can make for an even more enjoyable post swinging treat.

Breakfast in bed, going out for Brunch, or snuggling up in bed watch movies and eating chocolate could all be included in your post swinging aftercare. If you don’t usually splash out on smoked salmon and avocado for breakfast, incorporating it into your post swinging routine can be another way of enjoying something luxurious and private. Especially if the kids are away for the weekend, and you have the house to yourselves!

MAKE RECONNECTION RIDICULOUSLY EASY WITH MY 5 FOOLPROOF FIXES!

• When you run that bubble bath, really go to town on creating a sensual experience. Think essential oils, sweet-scented bath foam, candles, and soft towels. You don’t have anywhere to be, so lie back and enjoy feeling skin on skin and the water lapping against your bodies. Remind your partner how there’s no one else in the world you would do this with, so in many ways, the act in itself is more intimate than swinging.
• Really kiss one another, deeply and passionately. Allow the world to stand still while you focus on one another. Passionate kissing is something I never enjoy with anyone other than my partner, with whom I am emotionally exclusive.
• If you have taken your sex toys to a party, wash them and sanitise them before packing them away for next time.
• If you are staying in a hotel for the weekend, don’t rush back to reality. Even if you are checking out at 12, spend the rest of the afternoon exploring the area and eating out in a new restaurant. Creating positive memories and strong bonds are what swinging is all about. Enjoy your special time away from all the other distractions you usually face in life!
• Remind one another of how grateful you are to be able to enjoy swinging together and engage in sex-positive conversation. There may be hundreds of people out there, but there’s no one else you would intimately reconnect with in this way.

Rosie Kay