Swinger Club Etiquette

When attending a swingers party, lifestyle club, or any event that is along the lines of getting naked and freaky with others, its best to have some idea into what’s appropriate and what’s not. Proper Swinger Club Etiquette is something that should never be overlooked.

Being respectful, considerate and playing safely whilst still being sexy are things that should be all taken into account. Before I attended my first swingers party, I searched online, hoping to find any information that would help me prepare for the night ahead; alas, my search turned up very little! Luckily I have participated in a lot of swinging since then! But it was not without trial and error! I have learnt the hard way, so you don’t have to! Here for you, are my top 20 Swinger Club Etiquette rules. Read them and be a savvy swinger in no time!  

When attending a party, in either a small private setting or in a large club, be sure to meet the host and pay attention to the rules they set out. Some clubs don’t allow for high heels in play areas, and some have guidelines surrounding the use of BDSM equipment.

Be a clean and fresh swinger! I’m not going to tell you to shave off all your pubic hair, but have some consideration toward your potential playmates! It goes without saying that you should take your hygiene super seriously and showering 12 hours before a swingers party is not cool! Some parties have showers so that you can freshen up during the night if things become a little messy.

Condoms and lube! Safe sex is critical! Never scrimp on protection! Even if you don’t plan on having sex with loads of different people, you should still take condoms.
You may be surprised how many condoms you can get through in a night! A small bottle of lube or baby oil is also handy and great for swingers with soft limits. If your only comfortable with foreplay, make it count!

Accept rejection! We can’t please all the people all the time, and at some point, you will be rejected by other swingers. Don’t be bitter; accept it with good grace. Learn how to deal with rejection when swinging in my post!

Don’t take pictures! Every club I have been to has banned the use of smartphones. Photographs are a big no-no! If attending a small meeting, then always ask beforehand, and even if you can take pictures, some swingers might not like their faces being shown.

Leave playrooms clean and tidy. Used condoms, wine glasses and tissues are disgusting. No one should ever run the risk of kneeling in someone else’s juices! So please clean it up!
If a room says ‘private play’ or ‘couples only’ then respect that. I have experienced situations where I have been playing in a private playroom, with the door shut and people have walked in and watched. Which is fine, but if it says ‘ private’ then you must respect the wishes of those already playing.

Don’t bite, scratch, bruise or draw blood! This may sound obvious, but there have been times that I have been left with bruises from spanking administered by other swingers. For me, this is fine, but as a general rule, you shouldn’t leave any marks on other people. Drawing blood is a big no-no! Its a huge HIV risk, so don’t do it!

Swingers hate drama! There’s nothing more unattractive than a swinger couple who argue! If you have any issues or concerns, then remove yourselves from the action and talk them through, away from others. Deciding to change the rules partway through having sex with another couple is not a good idea!

How you interact with other swingers and knowing what questions to ask is vital. Some topics are most definitely up for discussion when you want to play with another couple, whereas some are best avoided! Discussing politics, kids, work, and the regular day-to-day stresses of life are not appropriate. It would be best if you weren’t looking to offload your grievances with your boss onto another couple. Keep it polite and sexy with flirtatious, swinger-friendly topics such as which clubs they have visited, what desires they share, and how long they have been together. Talking to swingers doesn’t have to be complicated. Please have a read through my top questions to ask swingers for a little inspiration.

Don’t be tempted to drink too much! I know going to a party is nerve-wracking, and I know that alcohol provides a little lubrication for the conversation, but I don’t have too much to drink! There’s a fine line between tipsy and relaxed and being too drunk to get sexy or too intoxicated to be responsible! At the start of the night, a few glasses of prosecco or a gin and tonic is perfect for me. If I’m at a club until the early hours of the morning, then I pace myself with a soft drink in between alcoholic beverages.

Be conscious of your body language if around other swingers! Sitting with your legs and arms crossed will send out a negative message to other swingers. Folding your arms across your chest as you try to converse doesn’t send out the right signals. Neither does hanging onto one another all night or placing your hand on your partner’s knee as you chat with other couples. Again, this doesn’t look great. If you want to be open with other people, ensure your body language reflects this.

Never make assumptions about what others may or may not enjoy. Most women that I have met in swinger situations have been bisexual, but you can never presume they are! Always, always ask for consent first. Whether you’re in an orgy situation or having soft swap play with a couple in private, always ask. You don’t have to discuss it at length, but before touching or kissing or doing anything with another person, ask for their consent! A quick ‘ is it ok for me to use my fingers/tongue/ mouth?’ is polite and straightforward.  

Have a safeword. Whether you are in a couple or playing as a single person, establishing a safeword is a good idea, especially when you have harder limits. Make sure those you are playing with know your safeword, and don’t be afraid to use it.

Establishing where you can orgasm and where it is acceptable for others to orgasm is essential. Some people are ok with it being inside them and in a condom, whereas other people don’t like to take the risk. You should always ask first, and tell those you are playing with where it is ok for them to come as its not the kind of conversation you can have halfway through!

Chances are, at some point during swinging parties, you will see all manner of sex acts, fetishes, kinks, and notice differences in sexual nature and genders. Some people are Bisexual; others are straight; some only like playing with single girls, some men are in a cuckold relationship. There will always be situations that don’t appeal to you and times where whatever is happening simply isn’t your thing. If this is the case, politely move away and leave others to it. Vocalising your opinions about what you like or dislike to see is one way to get thrown out pretty quickly!

Reconnecting after swinging is essential, but be sure to start the process away from the swinging environment. Take time out to talk, discuss and explore your emotions. What you enjoyed and perhaps didn’t enjoy, and how your body responded to the situations you experienced.

Don’t letch at other swingers! There is a difference between voyeurism and letching! I once attended a party where a single guy followed me all around the club intently staring at me. It was creepy and weird and not voyeurism! If a private playroom is full, then respect the privacy of those playing inside! Don’t hang around hoping they will invite you in!

You should never body shame or sex shame other swingers! We are all unique! We all come in different shapes, sizes, ages, and have our own sexualities and genders. No one should ever make you feel uncomfortable due to your gender, body type or sexuality or sexual preference. Swingers clubs are usually full of sex and body-positive people! Don’t criticise or talk negatively about those around you!

I hope you enjoyed reading this post on Swinger Club Etiquette! When I first attended a party, I struggled to know what to expect and how best to interact with those around me! I wasn’t sure on the do’s and don’ts of the lifestyle, and it took me a little while to grow accustomed to the norms of swinger events.

Rosie Kay