This is part 2 of the followng 3 part series.

1. Consensual Non-Monogamy and Other Variations
2. Introducing Your Partner to Consensual Non-Monogamy
3. You're ready to try the Lifestyle--Now what?

How do People Transition from Monogamy to Consensual Non-Monogamy?

First things first, transitioning from monogamy to consensual non-monogamy isn't for everyone. Some partners will respond like a dog that's been offered a bone. Many may responde like a cat that's been offered a bath. Some cats actually enjoy it, but will probably claw your eyes out if you try to force the issue. You can't force your partner into this. Don't spring it on them like a surprise party.

The journey to non-monogamy should be like a leisurely stroll in the park, not a mad dash to the finish line. You can share your thoughts, offer support, and reassure your partner that this won't change your Netflix binge-watching habits. But remember, they might not be ready to jump on the non-monogamy bandwagon, and that's okay.

Now, let's talk about the yellow brick road to non-monogamy. With the right map, you should be able to avoid flying monkeys and wicked witches.

A quick note on inclusivity

My writing often refers to men and women in a monogamous relationship. But hey, non-monogamy is a party open to all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. And women, you're not just spectators here. You're the initiator about 1/3 of the time. So, if your relationship doesn't fit the mold, swap the pronouns as you see fit.

What do we look for In relationships?

What do we look for in relationships? If we're talking about the "let's get a dog, a white picket fence, and a minivan" kind of relationship, we're probably looking for dependability, predictability, and someone who agrees on the pizza toppings. But if we're talking about a relationship that's more Fifty Shades of Grey than Pride and Prejudice, we're probably looking for a bit of mystery, adventure, and maybe a touch of danger.

Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, decided to play a prank on us. The qualities that make for a stable long-term relationship are about as erotic as a bowl of oatmeal. On the other hand, the qualities that set our hearts racing might not be the best foundation for a long-term commitment. Well played, Nature, well played.

This video below--The secret to desire in a long-term relationship | Esther Perel--is not directly related to consensual non-monogamy, but her discussion regarding the factors that keep long-term relationships going seems like it was written for couples considering consensual non-monogamy.

How does the Lifestyle resolve this discrepancy?

The Lifestyle, as many like to call it, can be like a relationship defibrillator. It recharges your relationship's erotic battery by reintroducing a bit of mystery, adventure, and risk into your safe and secure love nest.

Introducing the Possibility of Consensual Non-Monogamy

Introducing the idea of non-monogamy to your partner might feel like telling them you want to sell everything and join the circus. It's a big deal, and it might make them feel less secure. So, if you want your partner to consider this, they need to feel like it's not going to turn your relationship into a reality TV show.

The Unhappy Path

The unhappy path to non-monogamy often starts when someone sees a shiny new toy they want to play with and tries to convince their partner that it's for the good of the relationship. Spoiler alert: It's not. It's like trying to convince your partner that buying a sports car is a sensible family decision. It's not going to end well.

The Happy Path

The happy path, on the other hand, starts with the idea of non-monogamy as a relationship spa day, a chance to rejuvenate and reconnect, not because there's a hot new yoga instructor in town.

Your partner might initially react like you've suggested selling all your possessions and living in a van. That's normal. Our culture has a bit of a monogamy bias. But with time, patience, and lots of conversations, they might start to see the appeal.

Fast Forward

Fast forward a bit, and you might find yourself on the happy path, where your partner is ready to dip their toes into the non-monogamy pool. But remember, they need to feel secure in their relationship. So, reassure them that this change is about bringing you closer, not drifting apart.

Compersion

Now, let's talk about Compersion. It's like being a proud parent at a school play, but instead of your kid, it's your partner, and instead of a school play, it's them experiencing sexual or romantic pleasure with someone else. It's a thing, and about 60% of men are into it.

Spicing Up Your Bedroom Antics with Non-Monogamy Fantasies

Ever found yourself daydreaming about non-monogamous scenarios during your, ahem, intimate moments? Well, it might be time to let those fantasies out of the closet and into your bedroom Olympics. But remember, this is a team sport, so only bring it into play if your partner is game.

Now, if you start drooling over the thought of hooking up with someone else, your partner might not be thrilled. It's like telling them you fantasize about dating a Hollywood star - flattering for the star, not so much for your partner. But everyone loves feeling desired, right? So, if you're getting hot under the collar imagining your partner having a grand ol' time with others, share that. It's like adding an extra spice to your love life recipe.

If your partner senses that these non-monogamy chats are making you look at them like they're the last slice of pizza, they might just start warming up to the idea.

The way you express your desire during these fantasy narrations is like the steering wheel of a car - it determines where you're heading. So, pay attention to your partner's reactions. If they're keen on exploring their bisexual side, then chat about fantasies where you're the lucky spectator of their female encounters. My partner, for instance, only has eyes for the gents. So, our fantasies revolve around her having a blast with other men.

Maybe your partner is more open to the idea of you joining in the fun, or perhaps they prefer the thought of you being a one-man audience. The key is to tune into their responses and shape these fantasies in a way that makes them feel like they're on cloud nine. This will give them a sneak peek into what consensual non-monogamy could look like - a journey where their needs and desires are the GPS guiding your actions. And you can practice this during your fantasy playtime. It's like a dress rehearsal for the main event!

The VIP Lounge of Romantic/Emotional Exclusivity

Consensual Non-Monogamy is like a buffet - there are various forms to sample. One of the Lifestyle's signature dishes is its emphasis on romantic/emotional exclusivity. It's like having a VIP lounge in a nightclub. Sure, you're out there dancing with everyone else, but the champagne and caviar? That's reserved for your significant other. This VIP treatment keeps the relationship's foundation as solid as a rock and answers the million-dollar question, "What makes our relationship special?"

When you're discussing these newfound freedoms with your partner, it's like telling them you want to go skydiving. They'll feel a lot more secure if you also mention that you're not planning to ditch the parachute. In other words, talk about the parts of the relationship you want to keep exclusive.

People in the Lifestyle tend to flock together like birds of a feather, mainly because they share some key characteristics:

1. They're all on the hunt for sexual adventure, like Indiana Jones in the bedroom.

2. They're all about preserving their romantic exclusivity. It's like having a "No Trespassing" sign on their heart.

3. Their long-term commitments and family obligations mean they're not typically looking for extra romantic entanglements. They've got enough drama with their in-laws, thank you very much.

Many people in the Lifestyle form deep and lasting friendships. They throw killer dinner parties where the dessert course might raise a few eyebrows. They travel together to nudist retreats and international vacation resorts, but they're not typically interested in adding more romantic plot twists to their lives.

So, if you're craving more sexual adventure in your life and relationship, but you also want to keep your long-term relationship as secure as Fort Knox, hanging out with other adventure-seekers who aren't looking for romance seems like a no-brainer, right? But beware, hooking up with singles or people outside the Lifestyle is like inviting a bull into a china shop - there's a chance they might want more than just a fun romp.

So, my advice, especially for those new to the Lifestyle, is to stick to playing with others who are also card-carrying members of the club.

Participate in Your Local Lifestyle Community

If you're ready to take the plunge, consider joining a Lifestyle website. It's like a dating site, but for couples. You'll need to create a profile, take some photos (maybe even a trip to the lingerie store), and have some serious discussions about your boundaries. It's like a relationship boot camp, but way more fun.

So, if you've made it this far without running for the hills, you might be ready for the next article, where we'll talk about the nitty-gritty of meeting up with other couples. Stay tuned!