Talking to Your Partner About Consensual Non-Monogamy

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By Admin Published on March 24, 2024

So, you've been pondering Consensual Non-Monogamy. Maybe you've been purusing some of the articles, blog posts and videos on CNM4US.com. You are starting to wonder if this might be the right thing for you and your partner. And then, you ask yourself, "How on Earth do I bring it up with my partner?”

Here are some tips on navigating this conversation, keeping it positive, and hopefully, finding a new dynamic that works for both of you.

Set the Stage: This isn't a conversation to have in passing or squeezed between the latest episode of "Game of Thrones: The Second Coming" and bedtime. Plan a quiet, distraction-free environment where you can focus on each other. And no, texting them a 15-paragraph proposal while they're at work doesn't count.
Start with Love: Begin the conversation by affirming your feelings for your partner. This isn't about replacing them but exploring new dimensions of your shared love life. So, remind them they're as irreplaceable as a one-of-a-kind vinyl record, a beloved childhood stuffed animal, or that perfect slice of pizza.
Define CNM Clearly: Explain what CNM is and, equally importantly, what it is not. It's not an excuse to gallivant around town without consideration for your partner's feelings. It's about honest, consensual exploration of romantic or sexual connections with others under agreed-upon terms. There are many different types of CNM. Polyamorous, Swinging, Open Relationship. Your partner may be game for some of these but not others. Make sure you know which ones you’re interested in before attempting a discussion with your partner.
Communicate Your Why: This is a vital point. Why are you interested in CNM? Is it a craving for variety? A desire to explore different facets of your identity? Or are you just trying to get out of doing the dishes twice a week? (Just kidding on that last one). Be transparent about your motivations.
Encourage Their Input: This conversation should be a give-and-take like a good salsa dance. Encourage your partner to express their feelings, doubts, and questions. You're opening a new chapter in your relationship book, and they should feel as much an author as you.
Go Easy on the Pressure: This isn't a "we need to decide right now" situation. Let the conversation be the beginning of a dialogue. Keep it as pressure-free as a Sunday morning yoga class.
Do Your Research: Have resources ready to share, like articles (thank you for choosing ours, by the way), books, podcasts, and, of course, wonderful resources here at CNM4US. The more information, the better.

And there you have it. As you embark on this conversation, remember to show empathy, maintain open communication, and don’t try to rush things. Give your partner time to ponder.

So, grab that second glass of wine, rehearse your points, and remember: this journey is about growing closer, not farther apart.