Hi Rosie, what is soft swinging? 

Hi Rosie, what is soft swinging? 

Today, I have decided to create content that often gets overlooked when discussing the lifestyle: soft swinging. In this article, I will discuss soft swinging, why a couple might practice it, and how it is viewed in the adult lifestyle world. Are couples who practice soft swinging less 'useful' than those who 'go all the way'? And are there some couples or individuals who only ever soft-swap? 

Turn those lights down low and settle in. It's time to talk about all things soft swap swinging. 

This definition is taken from:  'Swinger Lifestyle Glossary Thiskindagirls A-Z of Non-Monogamy' Soft Swap. 

It is different from a full swap in that people may decide they don't wish to go 'all the way'. Soft swap play may include oral sex or stimulation with hands or toys often when soft swinging, no penetration takes place.  Who Are Soft Swap Swingers?  People who engage in soft swap play enjoy pretty much everything with others but reserve penetrative sex, or intimate sexual acts, for when they are with their partners. Intimacy for soft swap swingers can include oral, masturbation, kissing, flirting, cyber/webcam sex and playing with sex toys. There's nothing wrong with a soft swap, and sometimes you may only want to engage in soft swap play with a particular couple or person that you meet. 

Who Are Full Swap Swingers? 

As you can probably imagine, the full swap is, well, the whole shebang! Penetrative vaginal sex, harder limits and sometimes anal sex are practised when engaging in full swap sex. Remember, you can be a vanilla couple, who are full swap…or a soft swap single who is non-vanilla… full swap generally means that penetrative sex gets a thumbs up; how you go about having that sex is up to you! Full swap sex can be very intense, especially if it is part of your first swinging experience.

Why might someone choose soft swap only?

It will probably come as no surprise for you to hear that when I first started swinging, I didn't even know there was such a thing as 'soft swap'. In my mind, and due to the opinions of the partner that I was with at the time, it was either balls deep or nothing. For a long time, I believed the only way to have sex was to have penetrative sex, and unless this was achieved in a swingers club, preferably with another couple, it was a waste of your time. It was the whole shebang or nothing. 

So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that some couples didn't entirely swap and practised something else that sounded much less 'intrusive', something they called soft swap. 

Sadly, it wouldn't be until later on my swinger journey that I discovered the joys of soft swap due to being in a relationship where my wants often went unheard. (you can learn about the dynamics of that relationship in 'I used to be in a relationship with a man who wanted his money worth when swinging') But when I discovered soft swap, by talking to other people who practised it and re-establishing my boundaries and limits, I found that it aligned with what I wanted to experience far more than a full swap scenario did. As I re-entered the world of swinger clubs as a single woman, I found that soft swapping gave me the ability to remain in control when meeting couples in clubs, and it also slowed down the pace of what was happening. I found that for some couples, having me join as a single woman meant that they only wanted to soft-swap. I was fine with that, and I soon discovered that for these couples, the use of sex toys was part of the soft swap process. 

When I began my coaching work here at thiskindagirl, I found that many couples and single females had soft swap limits. The most popular reasons for this were: 

• Soft swap is, in theory, a form of safer sex-with there being no penetration; it lessens the risk of bodily fluid contact. However, please note that risk is still there if you choose to practice unprotected oral sex.  
• Some couples I have found liked to reserve penetrative sex for within their own relationship. 
• Some people enjoy the use of sex toys and sex aids whilst soft swapping and view using items such as strap-ons as part of soft swapping as they weren't coming into contact with actual body parts. 
• Some swingers enjoy soft swapping far more than full swapping because it is more in line with their relationship dynamic. There have been couples who have enjoyed some aspects of cuckolding, and one partner hasn't felt the desire to 'get involved' and has enjoyed soft swapping or watching while the other person has played with a couple or single swinger.

  Are Soft Swap Swingers Less Valued? 

I once heard someone state, loudly and disaprovingly, when reading another couples profile on Fabswingers 'they are no good, they will only do soft swap'. Now, each is their own, but I'm sure you will agree with me that this type of behaviour is not only a turn-off, it's vulgar. If you have these opinions of others, please keep them to yourselves and don't air them at a busy swinger social. If you are a soft swap swinger, I don't want you to worry when reading this; this type of opinion isn't the consensus among the lifestyle community and soft swap swingers are still very much swingers. One of my most 'successful' swinger couples (a couple who feature in my Swinger Lifestyle Blueprint Guide) are, in fact, soft swap swingers. They approached me because they needed help establishing their rules and boundaries and were struggling to engage in a full swap as it simply didn't feel right for them. They have since gone on to experience swinger cruises and resorts, all while happily soft swapping. It's really important to recognise that swinger clubs and parties don't require you to go the whole shebang if you don't wish to, and you are very welcome in the community if soft swapping is your thing. If another couple questions your decision to be soft swap only or pushes you to do more, my advice is to stick to what you feel comfortable with and move away from people or situations that aren't right for you. Sure, it might be frustrating for others, but that's their problem, not yours.

Are People Able to Change Their Limits? 

Yes, absolutely. Some couples and simple swingers change their limits depending on the environment they are in or the people they are playing with. It's not uncommon for people's limits to change over time as they become more familiar with other swingers in a smaller community or friendship group. What an individual wants to experience can change and fluctuate depending on how they feel within themselves or their comfort levels.  They might also change their limits when playing with couples or singles, as they may find some situations more suited to soft swap than full swap. If you have reservations or hesitations about swinging, changing your limits or slowing things down is the right thing to do. Regular conversations about your limits with your partner or play partners are crucial to ensure everyone is on the same page. 

Also, sometimes, you could have different limits within relationships, which is also fine. For example, I don't want to swap with other male swingers fully, but I am happy for my male partner to swap with other female swingers entirely. And yes, we all have to compromise where necessary, but we can have different limits and boundaries than our partners. Over time, how we like to swing may change, and presumably, who we want to swing with will also change. With that, our limits and boundaries change. Be prepared to regularly revisit your personal rules and boundaries and have honest conversations about how you are feeling. 

Rosie x