Rejection? Or just busy? –I’m still interested, Toronto, Canada

Rejection? Or just busy?

Hi Rosie, I am a single woman in the swinger lifestyle and I have been part of the scene for around 6 months. I have attended a social event here in my hometown and spoke to a few couples online.

Two weeks ago, I had my first meeting with a couple. We have all been getting along fine, and we chat in a group chat every other day, but over the last few days, I have noticed that their responses have become less frequent, and they seem less engaged than they were before. Should I ask them what is wrong? Or do you think they have a problem with me? I don't know what to do as I really like this couple and I feel I am quite close to them.

Signed; I’m still interested. Toronto, Canada. 

Hi I'm still interested, 

I know what it’s like to meet a great swinger couple and build a good connection with them. You chat, you have a date, you arrange a play session, you all click; it’s terrific! You don’t wanna let these people go! You continue chatting, and before you know it, you’ve invested your time and energy into them, more than you planned on doing. You feel connected to them, and when they don't reciprocate or pull back, it hurts. 

That feeling of rejection can take us by surprise, right?

Ok. 

Yes, you have met a great couple, and yes, you want to play with them and meet again, but you have to understand that everyone is leading their own lives. You were upset when they didn't respond or were less 'into you,' and that demonstrates to me that you need a reality check. It’s ok to be disappointed when plans fall through, but feeling upset by a lack of communication is a different emotion in my book. 

Swinging with a couple means that you cannot get emotionally involved with either party, as they have all the emotional connection they are seeking with one another, and unless they and you are polyamorous, then you can only usually expect a physical connection.  

If you are simply swinging with them, then see it for what it is. I know it’s frustrating when plans fall through, but it’s just fun, and make sure you always see it like that. People are busy; maybe they were swinging with other people, maybe you have other swinger dates to go on? Cast the net wide, meet other couples, and don’t get all hung up on one or two other swingers.

 There are so many glorious swingers out there and lots of experiences to be had!

The following is a piece of advice that you can apply to regular dating life and swinger dating life, and I think it is a perfect fit.

Cast your net wide. Don’t settle for the first few couples you meet or first swingers you talk to. Don’t pin all your hopes on one or two people.

Sure they may be great, and you may have found like-minded people, but imagine how many other amazing new friends are out there. Becoming attached to one person or a particular couple is not helpful; in fact, it is holding you back from meeting more and more people.

Don’t heavily invest your time and effort into one particular couple. Sure, you can have friendships and meet them numerous times, but they aren’t yours exclusively! See swinging for what it is: an added juicy bonus to your already fulfilled life!

Rosie x

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