Extramonogamous

Non-monogamous relationships come in many forms, each with its own set of rules, norms, and expectations. Terms like Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM), Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM), Open Relationships, Swinging, and Polyamory are commonly used to describe various relationship dynamics that extend beyond traditional monogamy. However, these terms can sometimes lead to confusion, especially regarding partner consent within these relationships.

We propose a new term: extramonogamous, to address this confusion. This term aims to clearly define a relationship dynamic where a pair-bonded couple engages in sexual adventures with others, but only with the explicit and enthusiastic consent of both partners. By coining this term, we hope to eliminate any ambiguity regarding how consent operates within these relationships and provide a clear framework for those who wish to explore non-traditional sexual practices while maintaining a strong bond with their primary partner.

Understanding the Current Landscape of Non-Monogamy

Non-monogamous relationships can be broadly categorized into several types:

- Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM): Relationships where all parties are honest and transparent about their sexual and romantic partners.

- Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM): Similar to ENM, this term emphasizes mutual partner consent.

- Open Relationships: A primary couple allows for sexual encounters with others, often with varying degrees of openness and rules.

- Swinging: Typically involves couples engaging in sexual activities with other couples or individuals while preserving romantic exclusivity.

- Polyamory: Involves having multiple romantic relationships simultaneously.

These terms provide a broad framework but don't always capture the nuances of partner consent and partnership dynamics.

The Role of Consent: A Divisive Issue in Non-Monogamy

A significant point of contention within the ENM community is the interpretation of the term "ethical." Relationship Anarchists (RA), a vocal subgroup within the ENM community, assert that limiting who your partner can see or how they can spend time with others is inherently unethical.

On the other hand, many within the ENM community argue that ethical behavior requires explicit permission from one's partner. The ENM community is divided on this issue.

Introducing Extramonogamous: Clear Consent and Strong Partnerships

To address these issues, we introduce the term extramonogamous. This term refers explicitly to a pair-bonded couple who engage in sexual adventures with others, but only with the explicit and enthusiastic consent of both partners. Here are the fundamental principles of extramonogamous relationships:

1. Explicit Consent: Both partners must explicitly agree to any extramonogamous activities. This agreement should be enthusiastic and without coercion. Consent may be withdrawn at any time and for any reason. The ability to withdraw one's consent for their partner's extramonogamous activities is commonly referred to as the veto rule.

2. Dyadic Nature: Extramonogamous relationships are inherently dyadic. This means that sexual adventures with others are not merely relationship-neutral activities occurring with consent; they are intended to enhance the sexual and emotional connection between the primary partners.

Expounding on "Extra"

The prefix "extra" signifies "outside" or "beyond." In the context of "extracurricular," it refers to activities outside the regular curriculum. However, engaging in extracurricular activities doesn't mean one is no longer involved in curricular activities. Similarly, in extramonogamous relationships, "extra" denotes experiences beyond the monogamous relationship, yet it doesn't mean the couple abandons their monogamous bond. Instead, these external experiences are designed to complement and enrich their primary relationship.

The term Consensual Non-Monogamy implies a relationship is extramonogamous in nature. The term Ethical Non-Monogamy does not imply that a relationship is extramonogamous. It doesn't exclude a relationship from being extramonogamous. It is ambiguous on this point.

To the extent that people feel extramonogamous is a subcategory of non-monogamy, this term can be viewed as synonymous with consensual non-monogamy.

Others may embrace this term as a new category, as in

• Monogamy
• Non-Monogamy
• Extramonogamy

The Enhancing Nature of Extramonogamous Activities

Extramonogamous activities are not merely neutral events occurring with partner consent; they are purposefully relationship-enhancing. For instance, dynamics such as hotwifing, cuckolding, threesomes, and foursomes are pursued not just for individual pleasure but to bring couples closer, fostering deeper intimacy and connection. These activities are chosen and navigated together, with the mutual goal of enhancing the couple's sexual and emotional enjoyment.

Enhancing Social Acceptance of Non-Monogamy

Non-monogamy has been growing in popularity, if not outright social acceptance. Subtle changes in terminology can significantly impact social acceptance. For better or worse, society is centered around committed couples, and non-monogamy is sometimes seen as a sign of a less committed or failing relationship. Extramonogamous may better capture the nature of these relationships, aligning more closely with society's preference for strongly committed couples.

A couple may describe their relationship as extramonogamous rather than non-monogamous.

While part of society may be prudish and view sex as solely for procreation, another part of society accepts sex for recreation, provided it occurs within a strongly bonded family unit.

By emphasizing the committed, consensual, and relationship-enhancing nature of extramonogamous relationships, this term may help accelerate society's acceptance of sex for recreation and not just procreation.

Conclusion

Non-monogamy has been growing in popularity. Increasing numbers of new people are grappling with various terms and what they mean. While existing terms like ENM, CNM, Swinging, and Polyamory provide a broad understanding, they often lack clarity regarding consent and partnership dynamics. Extramonogamous fills this gap by emphasizing explicit and enthusiastic partner consent and the dyadic nature of these relationships.