The Family Reunion Suprise

Hi Rosie, my partner and I had an incredible swinging experience while we were on vacation. We hooked up with a fun couple, and everything was amazing. Fast forward to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt and uncle's house, and to our shock, one of the people we played with walks in. Turns out, he's my second cousin! We locked eyes across the table, both of us frozen in shock. We didn't know what to do, and my partner and I didn't speak to the second cousin during the dinner. Now we have to navigate this awkward situation at any family gathering, and I'm terrified my family will find out. How do we handle seeing each other at future family events? - Milwaukee Couple

Hi Milwaukee Couple, Thank you for sharing your current situation with us.

I can't imagine how you must be feeling, but I know that you must have been left reeling in shock and horror, and many people reading this will be sympathetic to your situation. One of the main concerns people have about being involved in the lifestyle is other people they know finding out about their involvement, whether this is by accidentally bumping into them in a club or by viewing their profile online.

Sadly, this worry has become a reality, but we need to look at the facts. One thing that is inevitable is that family gatherings will happen year after year; you can't simply avoid attending or talking to one another as this could potentially raise suspicion, so instead, you need to address this issue straight up. Chances are the cousin you met is also feeling much the same as you and is probably equally as worried. So, I would use this as a starting point for a conversation. Addressing the issue first allows you to share your concerns.

Also, it offers a mature, measured response to a very awkward and potentially embarrassing rendezvous you had together being made public knowledge. I'm going to hazard a guess that you and your cousin got on quite well (especially if your conversation led to you getting down to it), so use the fact that you share a like-minded interest to your advantage.

Chances are your cousin understands the lifetsyle, understands the dynamics of your relationship and also appreciates that not everyone is as open-minded as the people you both like to spend your time with. This could be a great starting point for a conversation, you could say something like:

'Hey, I never knew you were so open-minded, but it was really surreal seeing you at that family dinner. It's crazy who you meet in the lifestyle! I know other members of the family may not see the funny side, so my partner and I don't think it's best that the family find out what we enjoy, as we don't think they would agree. What do you think?'

Suppose your cousin shares your view, which most rational people would. In that case, this conversation will allow them to share their thoughts with you without feeling shame or embarrassment and know that you do not blame them or wish to avoid the topic altogether. I believe the sooner you have this conversation, the better.

As for how to navigate future family events, be polite and courteous, but also be mindful that your cousin might want space from you, too, even after you have had the conversation. Any behaviour that could be interpreted as abnormal or unusual will be likely to raise suspicion, so once you have initially spoken to them, trust in the knowledge that they, too, will respect your privacy just as you are respecting theirs.

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Rosie x