Is fluid bonding popular in the lifestyle, and how could it be practised safely?

Hi Rosie, I have been looking online to find swingers in my local area, and I have noticed that a few swinger couples, in their online profiles, have stated that they are looking for long-term swinger friends with who they can fluid bond with. My question, or rather questions, are as follows: is fluid bonding and bareback the same thing? How popular is this in the lifestyle, and how could it be practised safely?- AJ California 

Dear AJ, Thank you for your questions. Although this particular topic is sometimes viewed as taboo among members of the lifestyle community, I am sure you are not alone in wanting to learn more about it.

'Bareback sex' (personally, I find that term quite crude) is something that we usually reserve only for our long-term partners; to even consider having unprotected sex with others is something that requires a great deal of trust, honesty and communication. Plus, we swingers put a great deal of effort into ensuring that we pursue our extra-monogamous activities as safely as possible. To hear that others in the lifestyle are willing not to do this; well, it goes against our tried and trusted systems of safe sex.

But can bareback sex be safe, and is fluid bonding a real practice? Fluid bonding is when you agree to engage in bareback sex after you have been tested for STI's and STD's. We already do it in our existing relationships if we have sex without the use of condoms. Doing it with swinger couples or single people who enjoy the lifestyle is slightly more complicated, as you have to trust that those people don't have unprotected sex with other people. Some couples do allow for their 'fluid bonded partners' to still engage in swinging activities, but only with the use of condoms. So that the act of having bareback sex stays exclusively between them.

Although I don't promote having unprotected sex or recommend it, there are several steps you can take to minimise the risks involved. One of these steps is communication! Once you have decided that you want to go down this path, talking about the kinds of sex or intimacy you are willing to participate in is the next step. Oral? Anal? Vaginal? Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not, you need to decide what you are comfortable with and what is a no-go! If you are a single person, you still need to talk to others about what type of unprotected sex you are seeking. You need to discuss what you are willing to do to ensure you remain free from STI's and STD'S and also what steps your play partners are also going to take. Are you going to play with a fluid-bonded couple exclusively? Or are you going to frequent clubs but use protection whilst there? Are you going to all get tested before each time you play?

The second step is to get a sexual health test and be prepared to have tests done regularly. Before you play, you must get tested and be prepared to share the results with your play partners. Get into the habit of having regular tests. In order to be in a position where you can participate in and enjoy bareback swinger sex, you have first to get tested and remain STI and STD-free. If you attend any other swinger parties, have sex with any individuals or participate intimately in swinger events in the meantime, you will need to use protection. Once you have a clean bill of health, you can start looking for other swingers who wish to have bareback sex.

Some people include it on their swinger dating profile, and some may want to talk privately about it, but if someone does ask you your thoughts on it, or if you are open to it, and you are, then you need always to state your rules and boundaries. Speaking from experience, the couples who have approached me with this desire have been only looking for private meetings, long-term friend-type scenarios with a person they could meet regularly and build up a great deal of trust with. This type of approach is what I would consider to be the most responsible and reasonable when contemplating fluid bonding. In my opinion, anyone who asks about barebacking in a swingers club, or on a first encounter is for me a huge red flag.

Some swingers are against it, and others are open to exploring the possibility, but it's not a decision to be made lightly. Also, it is worth noting that if you do put it on your profile, even if phrased in a positive way:

'I'm open to discussing the possibilities of fluid bonding with the right couple, but only if the dynamics are right for all involved and we can all discuss this at length away from the bedroom'.

You will still face negativity and judgement from those who read your profile. But honesty is the best policy, so if it appeals to you, then demonstrate you are willing to talk about it honestly and openly.

Rosie x

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