The Unexpected Pregnancy

The Unexpected Pregnancy

Hi Rosie, my partner and I have been swinging for a year now, and it has been amazing. But something insane happened recently – I found out I'm pregnant. The thing is, I'm not sure if the baby is my partner's or one of the guys we've been swinging with. My partner doesn't know yet, and I'm freaking out about what to do. Should I come clean to my partner and risk our relationship and our swinging lifestyle, or should I keep it to myself and hope the baby looks like him? This secret is eating me alive! C.S California 

Oh, C.S, I can only imagine how incredibly stressful and overwhelming this situation must be. I think being in this position is one so many of us worry about; either getting pregnant when swinging or getting another woman pregnant, it’s understandable that you’re feeling panicked.

Let me be clear: there are no easy answers here, but there is a clear path to take. First and foremost, you absolutely must tell your partner. Keeping this secret is not only unfair to him but also incredibly damaging to your relationship. Secrets like this have a way of eroding trust, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be. I know you’re worried about the impact on your relationship and your swinging lifestyle, and those are valid concerns. However, honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship, especially one that involves something as complex as swinging.

Think about it from his perspective: wouldn't he want to know? Wouldn't he deserve the opportunity to process this information, to make decisions alongside you, and to be a part of this journey, whatever the outcome? Even if the news is difficult, giving him the choice is paramount.

As for paternity, an early paternity test (available prenatally) is the most responsible course of action. This will give you and your partner definitive answers and allow you both to move forward with clarity. While it might seem easier to “hope the baby looks like him,” that’s a gamble with huge emotional stakes. The truth will likely come out eventually, and the fallout from keeping it hidden for so long would be far worse than dealing with it now.

Here’s a suggested approach for talking to your partner:

• Choose a calm and private time and place: Make sure you have ample time to talk without interruptions.
• Start by acknowledging the difficulty of the conversation: Something like, “This is really hard for me to say, but I need to be honest with you about something important.”
• Explain the situation clearly and calmly: State the facts: you’re pregnant, and due to your swinging activities, there’s a possibility the baby isn't biologically his.
• Avoid blaming or making excuses.
• Express your own feelings: Be open about your fear, confusion, and stress. This will help him understand the weight you’ve been carrying.
• Propose getting a paternity test: Explain that this is the best way to get definitive answers and move forward.
• Be prepared for his reaction: He may be shocked, angry, hurt, or confused. Give him space to process his emotions and listen to what he has to say. Reassure him of your love and commitment (if that’s true): Even in the midst of this difficult situation, it’s important to reaffirm your connection.

This conversation will be incredibly challenging, but it’s necessary. You both deserve to know the truth. After you’ve spoken with your partner, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor, either individually or as a couple. This can provide a safe space to process your emotions and navigate the complexities of this situation. This is a tough situation, but by being honest and proactive, you can navigate it with as much grace and integrity as possible. You’re not alone, and there is support available.

Rosie x