I'm A Swinger Lifestyle Expert, But I Don't Like The Word Swinging.

I'm A Swinger Lifestyle Expert, But I Don't Like The Word Swinging.

Recently, I received this question: Rosie, how come people still use the word swinger? What does it mean? Isn't it a bit, well, dated? Is there something more appropriate for 2024?

To which I replied with: 'You know, I don't even like the word Swinger; it doesn't resonate with me; you are right; it is a dated term.' And so here's the predicament, guys and girls; I'm a swinger lifetsyle expert who doesn't like the word swinging or swinger. But if I'm the expert, then it falls to me to take responsibility for setting a new buzzword in motion. But the question is, what word? One thing I do know is that the term is outdated, inappropriate and, well, inaccurate.

What word sits beneath the Ethical Non-Monogamy banner but includes singles, couples, men, women, trans and non-binary folks who enjoy alternative relationships and, sometimes, multi-person sexual encounters but aren't necessarily looking for romantic attachment? Because gone are the days when swinging was reserved only for couples in suburbia, and well, truth be told, it was never reserved only for couples; it was just that it was made popular by couples; singles have always been part of it. But swinging, why the word swinging? I guess it could be that people thought those who swapped partners might 'swing both ways' or maybe the label takes its name from the 'swinging sixties' when sexual liberation and sexual expression became more widespread in the western world.

One thing I do know is that the term is outdated, inappropriate and, well, inaccurate. So then, what word shall we use to describe the group sex and gang bang gatherings that I myself am so familiar with? What word is both couple and single person appropriate, gender and sexually inclusive, but isn't as formal or as broad as Ethical Non-Monogamy? Er... Any ideas? I've had a few... Liberated? Alternative Community? (too BDSM-ish, I feel) Liberal adults? Liberated lifestyle? Alternative lifestyle? Sexy lifestyle? (Hmm, might offend those who don't wish to be labelled 'sexy?') Intermarriage? Interrelationship? Alternative relationship? See? It's hard, right?

Because the term is either too vague (Alternative lifestyle could mean anything from living off the grid to raw foodism) or too specialist (Intermarriage excludes those who are cohabiting or single), what are we left with? Sexy lifestyle, the lifestyle (this term has been around for a while). Alternative relationship? I could, of course, refer to it as Ethical Non-Monogmay, and I do for large parts of my work. Still, one thing I have found, well two things actually, is that people either don't know what I mean 'Ethical Non-Monog what?' or the term is so broad that people don't identify with it because when meeting other people for alternative adult experiences, it's easier to say 'we are swingers'.

And so, I am back to square one, trying to find a word that is a little less cheesy (for me, swinging conjures up images of gold medallions, 80's couples, cigars and car keys in a bowl) and a little more modern (female only clubs, inclusive spaces, social events and dating apps). But it is hard to move away from the word swinger. As I said at the start of this article, I do use the word and do refer to myself as a swinger lifetsyle expert; when I'm asked what I do, 'I review swinger clubs' or 'I teach people how to find swinger clubs' I suppose what I could say is 'I help people get involved in the alternative lifestyle, and I review adult clubs?

Maybe I need to start making a conscious effort to be less 'swinger' and more 'sex and relationship positive'. After all, swinging doesn't even sound very flattering. And whilst I'm thinking of a new term or asking my followers on social media for their thoughts, I'll settle with 'The Lifestyle'.

Yours,

Rosie Kay, Ethical Non-Monogamy Coach (swinger)