ARE SWINGER FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE?

We all know what friends with benefits are. I’m sure at some point in your life, you have had one, or have been one, or maybe you are living your best FWB life right now? But when it comes to swinging and swinger relationships, do FWB still exist? And if so, where do you find them?

I mean, truth be told, it all sounds pretty perfect! A swinger couple who you can play with, without fear of emotions getting caught up or complications? Are swinger friends with benefits too good to be true? It’s time to find out! It only seemed right that I made this article; after receiving so many questions surrounding managing emotions and swinger friendships, an article about Swinger Friends With Benefits had to follow.

So if you do decide to go down this particular path, what can you expect? And what do you need to do to manage those emotions and keep living your best swinger life? I know that I have been writing mainly for couples recently, and the questions I have received have been from couples. However, this particular advice is beneficial (excuse the pun) for single people and those in relationships. You may be a single person who is looking for a couple to be FWB or vice versa? Whatever your situation, this is the only information you need!

IS IT GOOD HAVING SWINGER FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?

You need to decide how you would like to play and what level of friendship you are comfortable with

• If you meet a long-term couple enjoying the swinger lifestyle, then chances are they are stable, communicate well, and have a deep understanding of one another. Long term usually spells less drama, and when it comes to swinging, the less drama, the better! If a couple has been together for a number of years, then their emotional bonds will run most probably run deep.
• If you don’t have a lot of time to attend swinger parties or clubs, then having swinger friends with benefits can be a better option for swapping. I know that going to a swingers club takes time and effort, and sometimes arranging things with friends is a lot easier.
• It’s sometimes safer. Meeting and playing with people you don’t know does come with more risk. Of course, you should always use protection, but the more people you are exposed to, the greater the risk of potential nasties.
• You have people to talk about the lifestyle with. I know that being a swinger can sometimes leave you feeling a little isolated, especially if you come from a smaller or conservative community. When you meet like-minded people who can discuss your love for the lifestyle, it can be exciting and reassuring!

IS IT BAD HAVING SWINGER FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?

All too often, we can get caught up in the romantic ideals of something rather than the reality, and swinging is no exception!

• You may be more invested in them than they are in you, which can lead ultimately to resentment. I know, I’ve been there. You arrange a swinger date with their schedule in mind; they cancel; you rearrange it, they turn up late. You still like them, but you feel a little rejected and ultimately feel like you are doing all the work
• They expect more than you are willing to give. A few years ago, I was in a relationship, and we had met a couple for a few dates and then swapped partners. They then sent a message asking if we wanted to go on a date with them but swap partners for the date. No. in my book, swapping partners for sex is fine, but this is all the swapping I’m interested in
• They may feel rejected if you decide you no longer want to swing with them or want to take a break from the lifestyle. We don’t always have to be in the lifestyle, and it’s natural for couples to want to take time out or for single people to date others. What can happen and does happen is that your swinger friends with benefits can feel rejected. If you choose to meet swingers in a club, then this isn’t a problem. So what can be done to manage your swinger friends with benefits relationships? Luckily I have a few suggestions that can make your SFWB relationships work for you.

CONSIDER COMPATIBILITY

If you want a long term friendship, then how compatible the other swingers are is so important. What do they want to experience? What are their desires and kinks? Are they people you can relate to? What do you have in common? Sometimes if you are all inexperienced, you can go on the journey together. I know it sounds obvious, but make sure you have sexual chemistry in the first place! Settling for the first couple you meet and hoping for the best isn’t going to prove fruitful in the long term!

DISCUSS BOUNDARIES AND RULES

Rules and boundaries are all part of the swinger experience; discussing your boundaries and rules is number one! You need to decide how you would like to play and what level of friendship you are comfortable with. Meeting once a month, every other week? Do you want to chat in between times or keep it strictly swinging? Some swingers are very social with their swinger friends and choose to socialise with them in the vanilla world. You need to establish your boundaries and communicate them to any potential new friends.

COMMUNICATION

Be honest with each other and any potential playmates. The more honest the conversation, the more you will get out of the lifestyle. What is and isn’t working for you? What would you like and not like to experience? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, to be a great swinger is to be a great communicator, not just with those around you, but with yourself too. Be honest.

UNDERSTAND THAT DYNAMICS CAN CHANGE

When I first started swinging, I was quite different to how I am now. What I want to experience has changed; how I like to play has changed. Some things I thought I would love have actually tuned out not to be my thing at all, and other scenarios I’ve been part of have surprised me. The dynamics within relationships can change too, and you have to be prepared for this. You may decide to go down the voyeurism route, or even the cuckold route, or perhaps your new swinger friends will?

BE REALISTIC

All too often, we can get caught up in the romantic ideals of something rather than the reality. Swinging is no exception! Forming attachments, expecting too much from your play partners, moving too quickly, or having unmatched desires can all lead to feeling disillusioned, unsatisfied and generally unsure about your involvement in the lifestyle. Investing too much into one particular couple, or expecting others to feel a certain way, simply because you do is not the right way to approach swinging.

Being a swinger should add to your relationship or already fulfilled single life. Please don’t use it as a means to replace what you have or what you enjoy, but see it as a bonus, extra fun. Appreciate that even though you may have swinger friends with benefits, they are following their own path, and you should follow yours too.