First Time At A Swingers Club

Several of my followers requested this article on Instagram.

So, being your swinger lifestyle guru, I felt it only fitting that I rise to the occasion. Although I have written articles about visiting a club for the first time, swinger club etiquette and dos and don’ts, what I haven’t written about, and what many of you are curious about, is what it is like walking into a club for the first time?

How do you find the location of a club? And what can you expect to find inside? If you are nervous about visiting a club, don’t worry, that’s why I am here. After all, if you have never experienced a swingers club before, how can you know what to expect?

HOW TO FIND SWINGERS CLUBS

If you have never visited a cub, it can be hard to know what they look like, and many clubs don’t openly advertise their location. There are a few reasons for this, and if you are a newbie swinger, it is offputting when you are trying to find the location of a club, but the address details are a bit vague. Firstly, it’s important to remember that swinger clubs are businesses, and just like all businesses, they have to jump through the same hoops when it comes to licenses, opening hours and insurance. They have to follow the rules and regulations set out by local councils, and there’s a reason that swinger clubs are not located on the high street. Secondly, clubs may not list their full address on the website because swingers like to be discreet and may not appreciate the details of the club publicly displayed online.

Also, most events are members only. The last thing event organisers want is for people to rock up on the off chance they might be allowed in. Usually, once you have made a membership or bought a ticket online, you receive confirmation of the postcode. I know that it can be concerning when you are trying to find the location of a club, and the search results aren’t showing up; however, club organisers are pretty used to people asking them for directions, so don’t be shy. As you can imagine, most clubs don’t have large signs outside stating ‘SWINGERS IN HERE’ In most cases, once you have purchased your ticket, you are sent a confirmation email that usually includes detailed directions for finding the location.

FIRST TIME AT A SWINGERS CLUB- WHAT CAN I EXPECT?

I received this question a few weeks ago, and since I received it, more and more people have approached me asking me how to find clubs, what can they expect, and if there is any etiquette to follow. So, here goes… As you can imagine, most clubs don’t have large signs outside stating ‘SWINGERS IN HERE’, so once you have found the club’s location, you need to find the door. Many places operate a buzzer entry system and usually have security on the door. Some clubs give details of how to find the door/ entry or may provide you with instructions to follow, such as ‘Look For The Black Door Next To Number 5′. Be prepared to give your username or name you registered under, and usually state that you are ‘here for the party’. If you have followed the correct procedures and pre-booked, the organisers will have your name on the guest list.

Many clubs have security, and it is important to remember that security guards are often the first point of contact for guests. Be prepared to state your name, and if they ask, have your ID ready. Bouncers are there to keep you safe, and those who work within the swinger club industry are usually really approachable and friendly. Once inside, you will be met by the organisers, who will usually ask you if you would like a locker. Most operate a system where you deposit £10 and then give it back to you at the end of the night. They will check you in and then give you a tour where you can ask questions and find out more about the night ahead.

WALKING INTO A CLUB FOR THE FIRST TIME

Understand that everyone has to start somewhere, and all these people around you have been in the same position as you! I know that walking into a club is daunting, especially if it is your first time and you have no idea of what to expect. The same etiquette applies if you are heading to a large club or a smaller house party. It’s important to remember that the hosts are there to welcome you, show you around and answer any questions you have. Any great swinger party organiser will take their time to make their guests feel relaxed and comfortable. It is almost impossible not to feel self-conscious and nervous, especially if you are wearing something quite revealing or sexy and showing more of your body than usual.

But remember, you don’t have to strip off as soon as you arrive, and even if you do decide to get undressed, you don’t have to remove everything. Some clubs do have a dress-down rule for certain play areas, but these rules are often only enforced after a specific time, and if you don’t wish to play in there, you don’t have to. Take a deep breath, relax, and remember that everyone is there for the same reasons, and they all started once.

FIRST TIME SWINGERS HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE

During the first hour of a party, as the guests arrive, it can be hard to mix and mingle with other people as many couples tend to sit and chat with their existing couples. The first thing you need to do is practice the art of making polite conversation with all people, not just those you want to swing with. The more approachable and friendly you are, the more likely you will be approached yourself. I know how it feels to be nervous and unsure of approaching people; what do you say to them? And if people talk to you, does that automatically mean they want to swing with you? Ok, let’s take a few steps back.

This next piece of advice is for men and women, singles and couples.

• The first thing you need to do is practice the art of making polite conversation with all people, not just those you want to swing with. The more approachable and friendly you are, the more likely you will be approached yourself.
• Demonstrate that you are sociable, chatty, and relaxed to those around you. Even if you don’t feel it, don’t sit and wait for the perfect people to come through the door because spoiler alert; they won’t as they only exist in your mind. Be friendly to everyone, not just the people you want to play with.
• Don’t assume that just because a couple is talking to you, they immediately want to play with you. They may be being pleasant and friendly. However, if they ask if you would like to play and you’re not feeling it, then that is fine. Simply state that ‘you are not looking to play right now.’

FIRST TIME AT A SWINGERS CLUB, SEXUAL PERFORMANCE

 This one is important, so you need to listen up! I have spoken to many men in the swinger lifestyle over the years about sexual performance, and some of them have shared with me that they have struggled to remain hard whilst attending swingers parties.

Although they have wanted to get an erection, due to their surroundings and the circumstances, when it has come down to it, they have been unable to get hard. Ok, the first thing to remember is that this is 100% normal. No one expects you to be rock solid and hard from the get-go! This is a very unrealistic expectation that men are placing on themselves! Whatever you think male swingers need to be like, rest assured, they don’t.

There are, of course, a few things that you can do to give yourselves a helping hand; one of these is a cock ring which help you to stay harder for longer. Sadly, there is a gross double standard in relation to sexual performance. I believe the pressure many men encounter is based upon an unrealistic expectation generated by porn, misinformation and blatant false advertising of the swinging world. Guys, swinging isn’t a group of men walking around with rock hard erections, instantly ready to stick them in anyone and everyone. It’s just not. And we women need to understand that guys suffer from insecurities and nerves too, and if they can’t get hard, we need to be supportive, regardless of whether it’s their own partner or not.

I think sometimes some women feel pressured to be Bisexual or bi-curious. Again, this assumption is very often a cause of a lot of anxiety for female swingers who identify as straight or have yet to experience any form of same-sex intimacy. If you are straight, say so. I hate it when I see women begrudgingly being Bi with other women because they feel it’s somehow appropriate or ‘what their man would like to see.’ No girl. Just no. Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot? Would he be Bi just because you think it’s ‘hot’? No, I didn’t think so either.

FIRST TIME SWINGERS RULES AND BOUNDARIES

I can’t tell you how important it is to draw up your own rules and boundaries before you get to the club! It’s ok not to know what you would like to experience in detail, but having some ground rules is a great start. For example, only playing together in the same room, or only engaging in a soft swap, or just watching and having sex with one another (however you choose to have sex) can all be good starting points. It’s a great idea if you think about your safety and make sure you take time to reconnect with your partner. What safe sex precautions are you using? Are you going to take time out in between chatting to other swingers?

Before you engage in any activity with other swingers, make sure you are clear on one another’s boundaries. What type of sex or intimacy do they enjoy? And always move at a pace the least experienced person is comfortable with.

FIRST TIME AT A SWINGERS CLUB- MY TOP TIPS

Here are some of my top tips for enjoying your first time in a swingers club. ·

• Stop putting yourself under pressure to perform- no one expects you to be hot and ready for action from the get-go! · talk to everyone, not just the people you are interested in playing with. It’s excellent practice, and the more sociable you are, the more attractive you become. ·
• Understand that everyone has to start somewhere, and all these people around you have been in the same position as you! ·
• Enjoy it for what it is and give yourselves some credit! You are doing what a lot of people only fantasise about!