Are Bisexuals Really Less Monogamous Than Everyone Else?

When it comes to commitment, does sexual orientation make a difference?

Posted September 27, 2014 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

Our world loves simple, black-and-white categories, and life is not always easy for the people who don’t easily fit in the resulting dichotomies—gay or straight; male or female.

Consider bisexuals, often unwelcome in both straight and gay/lesbian communities. The list of stereotypes about bisexuals is long: confused; in transition; greedy; repressed homosexuals; attention mongers; group-sex proponents; traitors; promiscuous. One persistent stereotype—and an important one, since it may lead non-bisexuals to avoid relationships with bisexuals—is that bisexuals are incapable of monogamy or commitment to one person.

The line of thinking has been: If someone is attracted to both women and men, they must want to have both a male and a female partner at all times, and will therefore cheat on their present partner with someone of the other gender. This logic, of course, is ludicrous: Just because you’re attracted to, say, men, doesn’t mean you want to be in relationships, or have sex with, two or more men at the same time. The ability to be attracted to more than one gender is distinct from the desire to love, date, or sleep with more than one person—and both are distinct from the ability to stay loyal to whatever commitments you've made to a partner. As one bisexual woman once told Lisa Diamond, a leading researcher of female sexuality, “I can choose between a red car and a black car, but I’ve only got a one-car garage!”